I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
