Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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