When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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