I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
