But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
