I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
