TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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