ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
