TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my being single is dangerous.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
