i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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