What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
