K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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