Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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