All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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