My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
