My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
