He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
