Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
