Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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