you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
