I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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