You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
