In the future we'll all be gay
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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