You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
