I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
