i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
