I like to think it a success when the cops are called
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
