tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
