How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
