Welp...herpes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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