Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
