I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
