I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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