In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
