she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
