So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My feet surprised me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
