question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
