And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
