my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Shame - the story of my life.
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