Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Randomize
