Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
