the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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