It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
