I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
