be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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