I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
