Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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