i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
