i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
