Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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