Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
