I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she woke up with a sticky ear
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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